Change Is The Only Constant

Another rainy day:)
I always feel the urge to write on rainy days! <3 And this time, I'm more focused and organized with what is going through my head than the last couple of posts..

Today,
Holy Cow. It just hit me.

NEWSFLASH

I have my FUTURE all ahead of me.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life....

After reading through past posts, catching myself looking through old memories, and hearing the words "I miss" come out of my mouth waaaayyyy too many times, I'm realizing that there is something entirely wrong with this picture.

STOP.
dwelling on the past.

I have been looking back for so long that I'm beginning to trip over the opportunities and blessings that are right under me.

Ya, I have an amazing past. It's full of great people and it all made me a very happy girl. But if I don't stop looking back, I'll miss the happiness that the future has in store for me.

I can't go back to the past... I must face that. So here and now, I'm turing to face the horizon. I'm moving FORWARD.
But it's easier to move forward if you have something to look forward to. So I'm setting goals.

That has been my biggest problem so far, I haven't set any SPECIFIC goals that I want to accomplish. Not having this structure is just allowing me to float along, not accomplishing very much. So here and now, I am also setting goals. WRITING THEM DOWN because it's not a goal if it is not written down.

So here are some goals that have been running through my mind lately..

Before I am 30, I want to: (relatively in this order)

Only spend money on what I really NEED. (I need to stop buying clothes.. ;))
Do an internship at Disneyworld and/or study abroad and/or go to another country to serve.
Have a bachelors degree in my chosen major.
Have a good job with an income that I can live on my own with and really learn to budget.
Live in New York City for a year.
Get married in my mid 20's.
Be in a position to buy a house after a few years of marriage.
Start a family.

As of right now, I think those are all fairly close to attainable.

Right now though, there are decisions in my life that I need to make. This brings me back to the missionary topic. It's a tough decision, but I think I'm beginning to make up my mind and understand what the Lord wants me to do. (I hope).

With the above goals, and the future that I picture myself in, I can't seem to imagine a mission being a part of it. I had never really planned on a mission before the announcement and it's not practical in my mind to change everything around just because the ages were changed.

We do need an army of missionaries out there to spread the gospel, and it would be wonderful to be a part of that, but the whole idea of a mission scares me and I don't think that it is the right TYPE of missionary work for me.

A hard part about this decision though, is the fact that all my friends are planning to leave in the next 6 months. If I don't go, that would leave me "left behind". I'd still be here, all by myself. But then comes the realization again that I have to stop dwelling in the past. I need to let them go do their thing and I need to go off and do mine. I need to have my own adventures and experiences.

As i'm beginning to make this final decision though, I'm starting to feel GUILTY that i'm not planning on going. I shouldn't feel guilty! There are plenty of girls "back in the day" that didn't go and I feel like now that the mission ages for girls have changed to 19, that I'm going to get all those looks like "Why didn't she go?" or "I wonder if she couldn't". Those better not start with the girls now... it's hard enough for the boys.

I just need to live out of Utah for a while.  Utah is so horrible with people judging you about looks and about your status in the church. It gets overwhelming sometimes. And as much as I love Utah, and I will most likely live here to raise my family, I would LOVE to experience a bit of the "real world". Utah has it's own little bubble... and I want to burst out of it soon.

This decision on not going on a mission will require me being left behind, it will require me to make new friends, and it will require some major changes in my life.

I hate change.

But this is what I need to do in order to accomplish my goals and dreams. A sacrifice of some sort. It will force me to grow, learn, and face some tough trials in my life. But it will all be for the better.

These goals are things that I want to do. They're things that I'm interested in and things that I want to be a part of my past eventually. They're things that will help me to grow and things that I want to call mine.

This is my life. Nobody else's. So I'm going to do what I feel is right and I'm going to accomplish them for myself.

Starting right now, I'm going to focus on the future. I'm going to reach for the stars and become a part of something unstoppable.

I'm going to become someone that my family now and my family in the future can be proud of.

As my girl T.Swift says in her new album RED that came out this morning, 

I'm ready to "Begin Again".

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." 

- Eleanor Roosevelt

"Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present"

 - Jim Rohn

"Learn from the past, set vivid, DETAILED goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now." 

- Denis Waitley

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future." 

-John F. Kennedy

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future"

 - Oscar Wilde

Singing in the Rain :)

First off, I'm sorry that I haven't updated for a little while. Many of you have been continuously checking, with the realization that nothing has changed. I'm surprised I even get page views every day.
The truth is, I've gotten on and started a dozen different entries, but the words just haven't been coming to me. I haven't known what to write.

Writers block? No, I wouldn't consider it that. I'm not a great writer of any sorts. I just haven't really understood a lot of things lately. I haven't seen the big picture as well as I used to.

Rainy days...

Days that SHOULD consist of:
-sweats
-a hoodie
-a beenie
-glasses
-long socks
-enough make-up to feel simple but beautiful
-the biggest blanket you own
-a cuddle buddy (even a Teddy Bear will do for those of you single ladies like me ;))
-a window
-Imagine Dragons, Jack Johnson, Mumford and Sons, Priscilla Ahn and my best friend Frank Sinatra
-a guitar
-books
-movies (August Rush, Burlesque, and The Fox and the Hound should do)
-writing and drawing utensils
-And the ever most important.... mint hot chocolate in your favorite mug <3



Whenever it's raining, I imagine my dream life.

Living in the city (Either Seattle, or New York) in a really tall apartment building with a fantastic view.

something to this effect

I'd live with roommates, male and female (like that of "The New Girl"). 

We'd be each other best friends. Each others support group. 

I would get homesick, but they would always be by my side. 

We'd meet up for lunch and stay up late on weekends. 

I'd be working for a big company or magazine. Working with their advertisements and designs.

Eventually (in my late 20's) I would find that special someone. We would get married and move out of New York to raise our family. 2 boys and 2 girls. They would have a childhood similar to mine. I LOVED my childhood.

We'd take spontaneous trips to Disneyworld, and have big shindigs for their birthdays. We'd laugh and play all the time and always want to be together.

They'd grow up, and we'd forever be close.

My husband and I would travel. We would see the world together and grow old together. 

It would be a crazy life- but I would love every dang second of it.

That's the dream.... Some dream eh? 

Likely? Probably not exactly....

But you know what? No matter what DOES happen, it will be the best and I most likely wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.

I have been so blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love and support me. People that make me want to be better, want to do better, and share many laughs and smiles with me.

Even with all the bad in the world:

The millions of zits I might get.

The hardships and trials I might need to go through,

The bad music that I will be forced to listen to,

Those days that I feel so lonely,

When I run out if skips on Pandora

The people that are harder to deal with than most,

Those 10 pounds that I can't seem to get rid of,

The holiday's I might spend alone,

The tragedies that might occur,

And the rainy days that are maybe way more depressing than this one,

I will always have them to turn to. <3

Being up here at college, sometimes it feels as though no one cares. I go out of my way to meet people and sometimes it feels like the people have no interest in learning about who I am as much as I do in them. Then I pull out pictures of my past. I take a minute to think of the good things.


I have amazing roommates that I can laugh with.

I have made friends up here that DO care. I just lose sight of it sometimes from dwelling on the past.

I have AMAZING taste in music that helps me to slip away at times. ;)

I have the ability to run. Running has been a lifesaver.

I have a family that is there through think and thin. We're close whether there are feet, or states between us. No matter what is happening, they ALWAYS make me smile.

And I have my amazing past. Pictures, videos, recordings, documents, quotes, and memories.

 Like my good friends Ella Fitgerald and Louis Armstrong say, "They Can't Take That Away From Me".

I think I'm a bit crazy. I have a Facebook, a Twitter, an Instagram, a blog, a poem book, a dream journal, sketchbook, and a regular journal. Through all this though, I never feel like I capture my feelings, surroundings, and experiences 100% and that's what frustrates me. Maybe that's why I have so many different documentations. I can only hope that all of it will somehow fit together and be complete.
All I can say is one day, my posterity are going to get sick of going through my things... sorry :/

I don't think I do it for my posterity though... I think I do all this for my own benefit. It's important for me to look back at all these and discover how much I've changed and grown. They remind me of who I am  and what is most important in my life.

Documentation.... very important to me :)

With this new mission change too, things got thrown totally out of wack. At first, I was like "Yeah! I'm gonna go serve the Lord and spread the gospel! Everyone on Earth will know the truth!"

But after everything settled down and it was no longer what everyone was talking about, I really got to thinking and praying. I don't feel the need to go. The experience would be amazing! But I feel I have other dreams and goals that I need to continue working on here at home. At least for now.

So although I might not end up having a life like my dream life- A life like those you see on TV and in movies, I know it will still be amazing because I'll be surrounded by all these people.

And one day I will find that special someone and we will be sealed for eternity. And who knows, maybe it will be raining on that day too... <3

"Into each life, some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary"

- Henery Wadsworth Longfellow

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."

"Life is like a rainbow, you need both the sun and the rain to make the colors appear"

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness, has never danced in the rain"

"I'm singing in the rain, just singing again. What a wonderful feeling. I'm happy again."

Aggies Come Home!

Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy, Mrs. Darcy....

I am completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy!
Okay, so maybe that's a stretch, seeing as I don't have a love as true as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth in my life... yet. I still have a waaaaaays to go before I"m ready for that:)
But I am happy! Truly! This week has been a fun one:)

home-com-ing  /'hom,kemiNG/
   noun:

1. An instance of returning home.

1. A high school, college, or university game, dance, or other event to which alumni are invited.

Orrr... my favorite definition from the most popular Urban Dictionary:

A week at the beginning of the year that a lot of the school population uses as an excuse to drink a lot of alcohol... a good time to make friends, and do things you ahd always wanted to, but never got the chance. May have consequences.

Haha consequences? Nahhhhh ;)

MONDAY: The chalk dance! 

My roommates and I were all kinds of exhausted Monday night. Allie and I had just gone on a 2 mile run up the killer hills around campus and classes had been a beast to get through. However, Allie, Lia, and I still really wanted to check out the chalk dance that was happening at the HPER field. 

We went straight over to the field - still in our running grubbies, and saw the field packed with our lovely Aggie classmates.

The DJ was set up and the lights were crazy. There was a HUGE mosh of students in the middle of the field. My roomies wanted to go up and get in the middle - so we pushed our way up there. With me being the tallest, I was always the one in front pushing everyone else out of our way. People seem to move out of my way whenever I want them too... It's because I'm tall and "intimidating" (I HATE being described by that word :/ ) Anyway, we got in the center - which was both fun, and deathly scary.

There are times when I am soooo stinking glad that I am tall, and this was one of them. If I would have been short, i'm sure I would have died right then and there in that crowd. We got pushed around like CRAZY! People were falling down, but no one really cared. We think we even saw a guy dragging a girl out of the crowd unconsciously. Scary! It got to a point where I started to get pretty chlosterphobic and I needed to get out. I made the mistake of wearing flip flops that night and both of my feet got stepped on. I lost both my flip flops in the crowd.

When we got out, I looked down and my black and blue feet with colored chalk all over them. Haha they hurt pretty bad.

The colored chalk got in our hair and eyes and most definitely in our lungs.
But although it was kind of painful and frightening, it was hecka fun! There's just something about jumping up and down, body to body, covered in color chalk with blasting music and bruised feet that IS, believe it or not, actually.. enjoyable. Crazy, right?!

FRIDAY: The Homecoming dance:)

Umm awesome!! Yes, it was another dance, but without the chalk and craziness. There was a great DJ inside with awesome lights and music, and then outside was the mechanical bull and a whole other party. Inside was the rock out sesh, where outside felt more like a stake dance. The best of both worlds <3
I met new friends, had a while bunch of laughs. Unforgettable!

True Aggie night!
Guess what....

I'm a True Aggie <3
Finally!

Hah!

Gotcha!

I'm saving these lips for someone special.
It was fun to watch the old couples get out there and make-out for a few seconds. How cute? :)
It didn't happen for me, but thank goodness! I'm not ready for that yet. School is much bigger priority in my life right now.

They made a huge deal out of True Aggie night though. It wasn't what I was expecting. Lights, banners, and music. Man, it was the real deal and I'm glad I could witness part of it.

Until I got too tired and went home to go to bed.

SATURDAY: The white-out Homecoming football game!

My favorite part of the day was when my mom, brother, sister and niece came up to take me to lunch.
It was great to see them. I love my family more than anything.

My second favorite part of the day? While we were walking all around downtown Logan, EVERYONE was dressed in our fighting white for the football game. I LOVE how much school spirit this little town has.

Everyone was so friendly and pumped for the game. I talked to probably 15 strangers that day in Wal-Mart!
Goooo AGGIES!!!

And then of course, we won the game! This was a total awesome way to end homecoming week!

The crowd was covered in white and when I looked at UNLV's super duper small red fan section, I just laughed.
Full of Aggie pride <3

Anyway, I'm rambling. I mostly just want to get up another post for ya'll to read.

But consequences? DUH there were consequences!

I forgot to mention I passed out that week and got pregnant!

Again, GOTCHA!

So my consequences might not have been being passed out and pregnant because I drank too much... But I sure didn't sleep a whole that week, didn't get a ton of studying in, and I do still have bruises on my feet.

I sure call those consequences.

But I don't care:) making memories Is also super important in college.

It's the freaking best time of our lives! Live it up! Get crazy! ....But not too crazy;)

Once an Aggie, ALWAYS an Aggie.
(theme for homecoming 2012)


So welcome home Aggies, welcome home.