Send the ambulance!!

My heart just stopped...

Drake and Josh is on.... <3 <3


Hi childhood! How the heck have you been?!


This makes me want to go throw on my silky pajamas and slide down the stairs on mattresses!

Or build a fort

Or dance around to Now That's What I Call Music #1.

Or play spy barbies.

Or climb in the loft.

Or ride my motor scooter down the street.

Or throw on some Disney movies.

Or play dress up.

Or play duck hunt.

Or make musical instruments out of boxes and elastics.

Or paint my nails.

Or play tag.

The possibilities are endless.

Mostly though, I just want to watch Drake and Josh.

Best. TV show. Ever.

(Besides F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Seinfield of course;))


Anyway, just thought i'd share. It got me super excited.

Good thing the roommates and I are having a slumber party tonight!! <3

Oh, childhood, good to see you again!

Autumn fever.

Helloooooo readers! (if there even are any.. Please comment and let me know!)

This has been the craziest week ever and now I finally have time to write a bit. I had 3 exams this last week. College is a ton harder than high school; specifically senior year. I felt like I had been studying allll week this last week. I didn't get out to do much, that's for sure!

The stress ended at 10:15 today though. That was when my one and only Friday class got over. I'm enrolled in two science classes this year. One about Biology, and one about Aliens... yes, aliens. "Intelligent Life in the Universe" to be technical in terms. The class is strange, but i've always been one who loved to lay on the tramp on Summer nights and stare at the stars and just dream... so learning about what is going on in the Universe is fairly fascinating.

I didn't do as well as I would have liked on all three of the exams.. but hey, getting A's in college isn't as important as it was in high school. In high school, it was important to get them for scholarships to get INTO college. Here and now, i'm realizing that it's all about doing our best. We're here to learn life skills and figure out who were are... gaining book knowledge during that process is just a bonus I guess.

I shouldn't be too hard on myself though, I didn't do too bad. Especially after taking into account that I was sick with mono for a month, left school for two days to go to Disneyworld, and missed another two classes to attend the funeral of my dear Great Aunt Alice. It's been a more than overwhelming past month. Sometimes I wonder how i've made it through.. but I don't really have to wonder. I know the answer to that. <3

Things are finally starting to slow down though. I had time to stop and notice the colors on the leaves yesterday. This is my all-time favorite time of year. There's just something special about Autumn. Sweaters, beanies, scarfs, and boots. Orange, yellow, brown and red. Pumpkins, squash, and pie. Haunted houses, corn mazes, walks in the park, and a slight chill in the air. Thanksgiving, Halloween, General Conference and my birthday.

That's right.. the big 19. Okay, so I guess it's not THAT big... But it's another year of experience gained. That's a big deal. I'm a little heartbroken that I don't have birthday plans yet. I have a feeling this year isn't going to be too memorable. I mean, it's impossible to beat my 18th birthday party with the big blow-up slide, right? But I'll be 19 soon... no more kid stuff. ;)

Okay, yeah right...... Maybe I'll clean the sink at Angie's or something. ;)

Music.... I miss it. More than I ever thought I would.  Recently I've started listening to Imagine Dragons, and John Mayer again. Ahhhhh I love them <3 It's like I have certain artists that I listen to at different times of the year. Fall is here! Choral stuff is also adding it's way onto my iPod. I miss singing during this time of the year as well. Working on all our Christmas pieces and festival stuff... It was heaven <3

I've even been thinking about taking some dance classes again lately. I miss dance too. It's intertwined in my soul! During this time of year, I can't help but think about Thriller and all of the awesome experiences I had with that. Mmmmmm I had fun in high school.


College is great though! Humans vs. Zombies on campus, Fugitive games at night, Hocus Pocus on TV, leaves changing colors in the mountains, and new friends to experience it all with! It's the best feeling ever!

I'm continually learning more about myself up here. I'm a clean freak - I admit it. The dishes in the sink and on the table, toothpaste on the counter, and hair in the shower is definitely getting to me.. but i'm also learning patience along with it. And, I'm really bad at studying... haha I never had to do much of it in high school, so I'm gaining self control to sit down and read a textbook for a couple hours a night. It's harder than I thought... I get distracted too easily.

Ever had those people in your life though that every time after you talk to them, you just feel like crap? Maybe because they're mean to you, or they bring back bad memories, or they just aren't a good influence? But you still can't seem to let them go, because they're your friend? Let them go. You don't deserve that. I promise, from experience, you'll be much happier without them. Go live a good life and leave them in the dust. If there are people in your life that don't lift you up-- drop them. Life's too short to be miserable. (Just a little tid-bit of advice;)) I'm getting happier because I realized I deserve better.

I've spent a ton of time in the apartment though. Maybe it's just because I was studying so much this last week, but tonight, i'm getting out! I deserve it, I think! I'm making plans to go do something fun with my roommate:) Looove her!

The most important things I've learned though this last week? There are a couple.

CONFIDENCE is key! I've always had a hard time with confidence. I always compare myself to others and have felt that I'm not as good as they are. My whole life i've struggled with this. So this is something I've been focusing on a lot since I've been up here, and i'm starting to feel a difference. I'm happier when I am proud of who I am. Be proud. We've all accomplished hard things!

Also, my Savior loves me and puts obstacles in my life to strengthen me and help me to grow. But also so that I, in turn, may help others with the knowledge I have gained from those experiences. It's been a hard month... really, it has. Harder than any other month that I've ever had in my life so far. I think. But because of the things that I have gone through; the loneliness, heartbreak, self-dicipline, and spiritual temptations, I have been able to help a few people who are very important to me. I've gained relationships back with those who I thought were gone forever, and have been there for friends who have always been there for me. What a great feeling that is.

I'm leaving the past behind me though. They were great memories and times that I will NEVER forget, but it's time to move on and make new adventures. I love and will ALWAYS love all those who were a part of my youth, but i'm heading into adulthood now - almost 19! ;) It's time to make new adventures with new people. And I love the people up here. And although everything has been real hard lately, I'm as happy as ever! This is where i'm supposed to be right now, and everything will all work out.

Sigh of relief.

Fall is here.......

Breathe in the fresh cold air.... the fresh new start.

The hard part is over.

The kissing disease...

Ever since i've moved up here to Logan...  I haven't felt too fantastic. The first few days, I had body aches and muscle stiffness. I was thinking it was just stress buildup since this huge change in my life was about to happen. I thought stress was causing my body to disfunction. Turns out, that wasn't the case.

After the body aches, I got headaches every day. I lived off of Advil for a week or two because they hurt so bad. I swear my roommates thought I was a druggie because day after day I would resort to the bathroom closet to pop some more pills. Eventually the headaches started to stop.

I had taken Advil every day for like 2 weeks. I never felt motivated to go out and play volleyball with strangers or make new friends. All I wanted to do was stay inside and lay on my memory-foam bed, or run home to my parents to let them baby me.

After the first week of school, a sore throat started to develop. Usually I would get a minor sore throat before a cold really started to hit, but I had no other signs of having the cold or the flu. But the sore throat just simply wouldn't go away. I started to question strep.

Over Labor Day weekend, I went home and told my parents that I needed to make a doctors appointment. Now, my family never goes to the doctor.... We all have a really high tolerance to pain and are all usually as healthy as a horse. So when one of us feels bad enough to actually go to the doctor, we know something must seriously be wrong.

The doctor had a look down my throat and was horrified at how swollen and bad it looked. I won't give details. They took a swab for strep, but the test results would take longer to get back because of the holiday. So he put me on a prescription that should have helped.

3 days later, still sticking true the prescription, I felt that it was actually getting worse. After the weekend, I went back to my cute little apartment back in Logan and made an appointment with the Health and Wellness Center.

This doctor took a look down my throat and instantly came back with the conclusion of mono. He sent me in to have a blood test just to be sure.

I hadn't had a needle stuck in my arm in years... Last time I went to go get my blood drawn 2 years ago, my pulse was too high and they wouldn't let me do it. So I looked away and closed my eyes as the little needle pinched into my skin.

The lady drawing my blood was super nice though. We had a nice chat about her cute nails and a blanket that she had made for her grand baby. She told me stories of when her boyfriend had given her mono back in her high school days. After the blood was drawn, she got to wrap it up in the pretty tape. She asked me if I wanted green tape with orange dinosaurs, or pink tape with purple hearts. I told her that I wanted the pink one, but I kind of regret not choosing the dinosaurs now..

She sent me out in the hall while the blood was being tested, and told me that it would take about 10 minutes to receive results. That's a lot better than the 4 days from my other doctor back home...

Sitting next to me was a nice man and his 2 kids. He was there because I thought he had broken his ankle playing volleyball. What a rough sport. We had a nice little chat as well.

5 minutes later, the nurse said that it had already appeared positive.

You're kidding me..

I'm positive for mono?!

Only sluts get mono! And me? I hadn't kissed a boy in almost a month! Little innocent me... 

I instantly felt embarrassed. I left the wellness center with the little "So, You've Got Mono" pamphlet that they gave me that looked like it was made in the 70's. 

When I got back to the apartment I read all through the pamphlet and researched mono on the internet. It says that the early symptoms are muscle aches, head aches and fever. Well there you go.... That explains why I haven't felt good at all since moving. It wasn't ALL stress at least.. I've just had this awful disease in my system for weeks and weeks.

All throughout the rest of the day I felt like there was a sign above my head that had MONO written in big red letters.  I would walk past a strangers on campus and they would give me the typical "Hey!" (People in Logan are so friendly) I would squeak back with a really low "Hey". I sound like a grown man going through puberty. Plus it hurts to talk! So for the rest of the day I didn't talk to many people except for my roommates. Which also sucked because in my Interior Design class, we were having a really good discussion, but I was too embarrassed of my voice to speak up. How sad...

So here I am. An Aggie with mono. Never in my life would I have ever thought I would be THAT girl. Guess I won't be a True Aggie for quite a while longer...

And there isn't anything that doctors can do about it. No medications. I'm just tired alllll the time and my throat feels like it's going to burst and turn itself inside out. It'll take about a month for me to get back to "normal". Until then, i'm dropping my conditioning class (how sad..) and taking as many naps as possible.. Classes are super hard to stay focused. 

Stupid mono...

It's actually really embarrassing to tell people, so i'd appreciate it if all you readers (IF there even are readers...) kept in on the DL (DL meaning Down Low, not Dance Line ;) Although there were a few girls on my team that did get it in high school). Mono seems to give it's victims a bad reputation. And after all of the pain that it causes to a person physically, they shouldn't need to go through the pain of a bad reputation either. 

Especially from a girl starting out in a brand new college with all new people... 

I promise i'm no slut. I'm almost as innocent as girls get in that category. 

Oh well.

College. It's quite the adventure.

Quote of the day.

Totally what I needed to hear today. Thank goodness for Daily Thought e-mails!

"No matter what problem you may have to face today, there is 
a solution, because you have nothing to deal with but your 
own thoughts.  As you know, you have the power to select and 
control your thoughts, difficult though it may be at times to 
do so.  As long as you think that your destiny is in the hands 
of other people, the situation is hopeless.  Remind yourself 
constantly that you have nothing to deal with but your own 
thoughts. Write this down where you will see it often. Have 
it on your desk. Hang it in your bedroom. Write it in your 
pocketbook. Write it on your soul." 
-- Emmett Fox

Kill a fly when you get the chance...

So there I was... done eating breakfast (I had french toast btw) and typing on my laptop trying to stay updated with the world when a fly kept buzzing around my head. Driving me nuts!! 

I looked over at my plate and then noticed that the fly had gotten himself stuck in the left-over syrup that was pooling on the surface. Now, I hate insects, so I was excited for the opportunity to catch the little guy and kill him. Muahahah. This was going to be great because we all know that trying to kill a fly with a fly swatter... well it's really hard. At least for me. 

Here, the little guy had pretty much handed himself to me. After I killed him, I wouldn't have him flying around anymore distracting me from the important information that Facebook has to offer. 

Except that I was too lazy and "busy" on the computer to go and kill him right away. I figured he would be stuck there for a while and that I would go do it in a minute or two. 

After about 5 minutes, I looked over and saw him rubbing his nasty little insect hands together - trying to get un-stuck. And he did. He was soon up and flying again. 

Crap..... 

There went my chance. 

Now as weird as this story is... It taught me a valuable lesson. One that I have been reminded of over and over again... I just don't seem to get it apparently. 

Don't procrastinate and JUMP at the opportunity moment when it arrives. Time is a precious thing and it's not always on your side. One of my friends once told me... "You can always re-take a test, but you can never re-take a party." Now... sometimes you can't re-take a test.. but that's besides the point. It's college. Get the work done and then have fun! 

So I better get off Facebook, stop blogging and get started on that homework... Because there might be a sick party later and this time, I consider the lesson learned.

Bzzzz..... 

Now where is that fly swatter...? :/

College? What....?

College... what is it? Why is it important? Who freaking cares?

In my family, college was simply just the 'next step'. After my brothers graduated, I simply watched them pack up their rooms and move out on their own. Not even phasing me that this was a huge decision that they had just made and that they were changing their life forever. 

MY graduation came... I had chosen Utah State to attend. But even as I threw my cap up into the air, celebrating those last 12 years of "hard work", it hadn't hit me of the choice that I had just made either. 

Summer came and went. Woop de doo.. It was a fun time. Many adventures, new friends, old friends, and memories that will hopefully never be forgotten. Before Summer I hadn't ever seen people change as fast as many of my friends did this last Summer. Some even as different as night and day. Completely turned around. The last month of Summer is when everything started to hit me. Everything was REALLY changing. And it was only beginning. 

I began packing. Box after box after box. My room getting emptier and emptier. There were times I would just sit on my bed and bawl at the sight of my bare walls and boxed up pictures from high school. Will I stay close with all my friends? Will we even stay in touch at all? Every question that I came across like this was so open-ended. There was no answer, and there is STILL no answer. I told myself that once I arrived in Logan, everything would just fall into place. And this is firmly what I believed. 

Moving day. Totally NOT what i'd imagined in my head. I arrived in my empty apartment with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, and niece. No, maybe I didn't need all of their HELP, but it was mostly the support. I was stressed to the max... my head hadn't realized it yet, but my body sure had. My muscles had never been so tense. 

Mom made my bed. -more significant than I ever would have thought. Dad and brother put together everything that involved tools. Sister-in-law got amazing homemade cinnamon rolls and niece simply laughed at everything which made me smile and relax.

Time passed quickly, everything was organized... and then it was time for them to leave. Normally, it wouldn't have bothered me. I've always been quite an independent person and I had been looking forward to living on my own for quite a loooooong time. I figured I would be excited to shut the door between my family and I. But somehow I felt much different. I didn't really want them to leave. But they did.

As soon as the door closed, I broke into tears. I went and sat on my bed, and knowing that my mom had made it for me somehow made me feel more at home. 

This was just the start of a roller-coaster of emotions that would follow in the next 2 weeks.

In these last 2 weeks i've learned more about myself than I ever have before. All of a sudden the decisions that I make, I make for MY well being and MY happiness. I don't need to worry about what my parents want me to do. If I want to stay up till 3 in the morning playing volleyball or have cold pizza for breakfast, I CAN. If I want to go to a frat party to check it out, I CAN. If I want to take my shoes off in the middle of the living room and leave them there all week, I CAN. As long as my roommates are okay with it too, i'm not a jerk.. ;)


I've learned that I CAN do it! It's been two weeks and I haven't died! I am capable of living on my own. I haven't missed a meal, I haven't ran out of money, and I haven't caused any damage to the dorm. So I think I'm doing pretty darn well. 

I've learned that I'm a horrible cook... but with more experience comes improvement.

I've learned how blessed and spoiled I am. Never before have I had to live with a roommate. I've always had a room to myself. Never before have I had to squeeze this 6 feet tall of body onto a twin bed. 

I've learned to be open to new things. Try new food, join a random sports club, experience yourself with new ideas and activities. This is a time to find out more about ones self and discover what we like and dislike. 

I've learned that my whole life I have been a people-pleaser. I've always been so worried about what others think, or how others feel and how I can help them out. And while this thought process is good, and it puts others above myself, i've also learned that my happiness is also important. I need to make decisions based on how they could help me grow the most. 

I've learned that LEARNING is something really important to me and something that I want to aspire. I want to learn as much as possible and the surroundings that a college campus can give is the best way to obtain this knowledge. So many resources and so many opportunities and things to learn. It gets a bit overwhelming! One year, one semester, one day, one class at a time. It'll come

I've learned that relationships are key. Make as many as you can. Although i've already experienced heartache and heartbreak up here in Logan, i've realized that it's more important to keep those people in your life even if it is being 'just friends' (it is possible). It's better to keep them in your life than to get scared and back away forever. There should never be a bad break up. That person was once your whole life- why would you never want to talk to them ever again? 

I've learned to make as many friends as possible. I've had a harder time making friends than I ever thought I would. But even if I haven't remembered peoples names, I still feel better when I recognize someone on the shuttle or get a wave from someone across campus. Interaction can turn a whole day around.

I've learned the importance of BEING YOURSELF. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. Eventually, the friends that you DO make will be true, and will be there for YOU and all the special qualities that only you can offer.

I've learned that family is ALWAYS there. I can't tell you how many times i've called my mom and dad just to hear their voices these past 2 weeks. Talking to them always makes my day a little better. No matter where life takes you, family is just a phone call away and I know that they will love me no matter where I am, or what I have done. When I have felt alone or felt that no one really knew that I existed, I called my mom and I could always count on her giving me a much needed conversation and some advice. Texting my sister-in-law too has been a comfort. I've learned that no matter how far apart family is, family is always connected in a special way and family always CARES. Even when no one around you does. 

Most importantly, I've learned that the Lord is always near. I have turned to Him in prayer more times than I can count- sometimes in tears, pleading for his help and thanking him for my blessings that I hadn't realized until now. I have had more prayers be answered in these last 2 weeks than I ever thought I would. I have been on my knees more diligently than I ever had before. Having no family near to rely on really teaches you to rely on the Lord. 

My roommate probably thinks i'm a religious weirdo from praying so much ;)

So college....

It's definitely not just the 'next step'. It's the next STAIRCASE. We start walking up and eventually we'll find ourselves walking down backwards, tripping (like I did on the library staircase) or pausing on a step- struggling to keep moving forward. But we gotta push... because it's worth it.

College isn't just about taking classes, going to frat parties, being ignored by teachers in a room of 600 students, or getting A's. NONE of that really matters in the way that we think it does. It's our actions that count. HOW we get A's, HOW we act at parties, HOW we listen in lectures, and HOW we choose to spend our weeknights. Everything we DO determines who we are. Everything counts. 

College... 

what is it? A place to find out who we are.

why is it important? Because it teaches us lessons (hard as they are) that we won't learn any other way, but lessons that are IMPORTANT to learn. 

and who freaking cares? Well, all I know is that I do. It has changed my whole way of thinking and doing things. You may not care.. but that's up to you I guess..

These last two weeks i've learned more than I ever thought I would. I have more in me than I ever thought I did. And I thought high school was "hard work". Welcome to the real world sweety... 

And that's only two weeks.... 

4 years at Utah State?

Bring it on.