It's that time of year again <3
The time that the leaves are changing.
The time the air gets crisp.
The time of apples and pumpkins.
The time known for F E A R.
I believe there two different types of fear.
or fear of the things around us
And the inward fear.
or fear of things out of our control or knowledge.
I've learned a lot about FEAR this last week. I've actually experience both types first hand.
THE OUTWARD FEAR
My roommate and I were walking home from an intense study session at the library. It was about 10 o'clock at night. Keep in mind that I have never once been afraid of anything on this campus. But there we were, walking down our mountain of a hill, when this guy jumps out of the bushes right in front of us and growls. "WHAT THE HAY!?" I did that freakish horse neigh. Not a pleasant sight. What in the world did I ever do to him?! Then he just walked away.. like it was no big deal. I walked away giggling, but was super jumpy the rest of the night. I haven't been that jumpy in a long time.
THE INWARD FEAR
This story takes a little bit longer to tell. Truth is, I didn't even realize fear was inside of me, until someone else pointed it out.
I was texting one of my friends about some things that I was stressing about, when she gave me this advice:
This short response is the whole reason we are best friends. Bluntness. Followed by an increase of love in a follow-up message:
"I just want you to not be afraid. Fear is our human kryptonite. God does not give us fear -- we have faith!"
There it was. There was the mention of the stain on my shirt. There was the notice of my weakness. There was the topic that would be on my mind for the rest of the week. Fear & FAITH.
I thought about those words a lot as I was going to bed that night.
The next day, I went about as usual. Taking the usual accounting notes, and feeling my tummy rumble in economics.. I went to my LDS Institute's "Religion In Life" that they have every Friday where a selected member of a nearby ward comes to give a talk on a topic they felt inspired about.
I sat next to my friends, and as the choir was singing, I wrote down a short paragraph regarding some thoughts that were going through my mind including these few sentences that said:
"Just go for it! Don't be fearful!"
The speaker then got up to begin. His name is Scott Wilde. He introduced a little about himself and then explained that him and his wife had felt inspired to address the topic of:
"Hushing our FEARS with FAITH."
I was in awe.... I nudged my friend next to me and had her read what I had just written down, not a minute before. Her eyes grew big just as mine probably were. Right then I felt, as I have many times before, my Heavenly Father's love and awareness of me. He knows what I have been thinking. He knows what is in my heart. And he sent not just one, but multiple people to me to reassure me that I NEED NOT BE AFRAID.
General Conference happened recently. That is when a Prophet of God, and all his Apostles speak to US. To the children of God. To give us all knowledge that we need to lead happy and substantial lives. And I learned so so much from their words.
One big theme that stuck out to me personally, was that God has a plan for us. I learned that I don't have to see and understand the big picture of my life, I just have to have faith to do the little things He asks of me, and the understanding of my purpose and plan will be uncovered little by little. Which is hard, because I am so impatient sometimes.
In conference, the idea of PONDERIZING was also taught by Elder Devin G. Durrant:
"I invite you to "ponderize" one verse of scripture each week. The word ponderize is not found in the dictionary, but it has found a place in my heart. So what does it mean to ponderize? I like to say it's a combination of 80% extended pondering and 20% memorization.
There are two simple steps:
First, choose a verse of scripture each week and place it where you will see it every day.
Second, read or think of the verse several times each day and ponder the meaning of its words and key phrases throughout the week."
I have done just that this last week. And I truly believe that the whole experience I just explained, happened because I was focusing on the spirit more from the scripture I had chosen.
The scripture I chose was found in the Book of Mormon. 3 Nephi 11:3. This is when a group of people from the ancient American continent are standing around, right before the resurrected Savior himself come among them.
And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn.
I chose this scripture to be my focus this last week because I was determined to HEAR and KNOW the spirit. I wanted to make sure I would be one that WOULD understand the voice of the Lord if&when He spoke to me. I know I understood the spirit as Brother Wilde spoke.
ANOTHER COOL EXPERIENCE!!! So this last week, I was able to jam out at the Third Day and Brandon Heath Christian concert. It was INCREDIBLE. I went with two of my friends. One of which is a member of my faith, and the other which isn't, but we are all Christians, and we were all surrounded by fellow Christians. It was the most uplifting concert I had ever been to. It really made me love life and appreciate all the good people in this world. Usually when I've been to concerts in the past, I've been a bit afraid of some of the people that could be there. Those that push you around in mosh pits, or those old creeper guys that stare at you for too long. But this concert, was full of love. Love for each other and love for the Lord. Made me think of the scripture in Moroni 8:16 that says:
"Perfect love casteth out all fear."
There was a part in the concert, when when of the singers pulled out a $20 bill from his pocket and handed it to a man in the audience and told us all to pass the bill around until someone in the audience ends up with it at the end of the concert. There were probably about 200 people sitting in front of our row, and the $20 made it all the way back to us. I was amazed. I thought: almost anywhere else, that $20 probably wouldn't have made it past the first row. My how I love Christians. And boy am I proud to call myself a Christian.
The man that was seated next to me has left a place in my heart. He was very quiet and I could tell he felt a little insecure, but I could sense the love and faith he has for his God. He would raise his arm in praise at the mention of the cross. He would bow his head and nod as the musicians told stories about God keeping together their marriage. And right before the last song, when Third Day was explaining and testifying that God doesn't waste people and that God has a specific plan for each one of us, tears were streaming down his face.
When I glanced over and saw this, I found I had tears rushing down mine.
We are all weak. We are all unsure, and I know that when we realize these two things, we all have a portion of fear. But you can do it!
There really aren't words to describe all the good and happy feelings I felt that night. All the pleasant people that were around me and all the time my heart smiled. I know that was because I felt the spirit of the Lord and because my FAITH was increasing.
In another talk given in conference, there was a quote given that said:
"Faith grows not by chance, but by CHOICE."
I want to testify that I know "Ponderizing" works. I know that it builds our faith. I know that as I studied this verse, I have come closer to the spirit. Our Heavenly Father loves you and is aware of every single stain on your shirt, every situation you are in, and good and bad feelings that come to you.
I encourage you to put this into practice, to question yourself as a Christian, and to truly taste and swallow the saying that "GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU."
With that being said, I hope you take time to go to a haunted house, or corn maze, and enjoy this season and holiday. The beauty of Fall never ceases to blow me away!
Donut Worry! Bee Happy!
Donut Worry! Bee Happy!