College? What....?

College... what is it? Why is it important? Who freaking cares?

In my family, college was simply just the 'next step'. After my brothers graduated, I simply watched them pack up their rooms and move out on their own. Not even phasing me that this was a huge decision that they had just made and that they were changing their life forever. 

MY graduation came... I had chosen Utah State to attend. But even as I threw my cap up into the air, celebrating those last 12 years of "hard work", it hadn't hit me of the choice that I had just made either. 

Summer came and went. Woop de doo.. It was a fun time. Many adventures, new friends, old friends, and memories that will hopefully never be forgotten. Before Summer I hadn't ever seen people change as fast as many of my friends did this last Summer. Some even as different as night and day. Completely turned around. The last month of Summer is when everything started to hit me. Everything was REALLY changing. And it was only beginning. 

I began packing. Box after box after box. My room getting emptier and emptier. There were times I would just sit on my bed and bawl at the sight of my bare walls and boxed up pictures from high school. Will I stay close with all my friends? Will we even stay in touch at all? Every question that I came across like this was so open-ended. There was no answer, and there is STILL no answer. I told myself that once I arrived in Logan, everything would just fall into place. And this is firmly what I believed. 

Moving day. Totally NOT what i'd imagined in my head. I arrived in my empty apartment with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, and niece. No, maybe I didn't need all of their HELP, but it was mostly the support. I was stressed to the max... my head hadn't realized it yet, but my body sure had. My muscles had never been so tense. 

Mom made my bed. -more significant than I ever would have thought. Dad and brother put together everything that involved tools. Sister-in-law got amazing homemade cinnamon rolls and niece simply laughed at everything which made me smile and relax.

Time passed quickly, everything was organized... and then it was time for them to leave. Normally, it wouldn't have bothered me. I've always been quite an independent person and I had been looking forward to living on my own for quite a loooooong time. I figured I would be excited to shut the door between my family and I. But somehow I felt much different. I didn't really want them to leave. But they did.

As soon as the door closed, I broke into tears. I went and sat on my bed, and knowing that my mom had made it for me somehow made me feel more at home. 

This was just the start of a roller-coaster of emotions that would follow in the next 2 weeks.

In these last 2 weeks i've learned more about myself than I ever have before. All of a sudden the decisions that I make, I make for MY well being and MY happiness. I don't need to worry about what my parents want me to do. If I want to stay up till 3 in the morning playing volleyball or have cold pizza for breakfast, I CAN. If I want to go to a frat party to check it out, I CAN. If I want to take my shoes off in the middle of the living room and leave them there all week, I CAN. As long as my roommates are okay with it too, i'm not a jerk.. ;)


I've learned that I CAN do it! It's been two weeks and I haven't died! I am capable of living on my own. I haven't missed a meal, I haven't ran out of money, and I haven't caused any damage to the dorm. So I think I'm doing pretty darn well. 

I've learned that I'm a horrible cook... but with more experience comes improvement.

I've learned how blessed and spoiled I am. Never before have I had to live with a roommate. I've always had a room to myself. Never before have I had to squeeze this 6 feet tall of body onto a twin bed. 

I've learned to be open to new things. Try new food, join a random sports club, experience yourself with new ideas and activities. This is a time to find out more about ones self and discover what we like and dislike. 

I've learned that my whole life I have been a people-pleaser. I've always been so worried about what others think, or how others feel and how I can help them out. And while this thought process is good, and it puts others above myself, i've also learned that my happiness is also important. I need to make decisions based on how they could help me grow the most. 

I've learned that LEARNING is something really important to me and something that I want to aspire. I want to learn as much as possible and the surroundings that a college campus can give is the best way to obtain this knowledge. So many resources and so many opportunities and things to learn. It gets a bit overwhelming! One year, one semester, one day, one class at a time. It'll come

I've learned that relationships are key. Make as many as you can. Although i've already experienced heartache and heartbreak up here in Logan, i've realized that it's more important to keep those people in your life even if it is being 'just friends' (it is possible). It's better to keep them in your life than to get scared and back away forever. There should never be a bad break up. That person was once your whole life- why would you never want to talk to them ever again? 

I've learned to make as many friends as possible. I've had a harder time making friends than I ever thought I would. But even if I haven't remembered peoples names, I still feel better when I recognize someone on the shuttle or get a wave from someone across campus. Interaction can turn a whole day around.

I've learned the importance of BEING YOURSELF. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. Eventually, the friends that you DO make will be true, and will be there for YOU and all the special qualities that only you can offer.

I've learned that family is ALWAYS there. I can't tell you how many times i've called my mom and dad just to hear their voices these past 2 weeks. Talking to them always makes my day a little better. No matter where life takes you, family is just a phone call away and I know that they will love me no matter where I am, or what I have done. When I have felt alone or felt that no one really knew that I existed, I called my mom and I could always count on her giving me a much needed conversation and some advice. Texting my sister-in-law too has been a comfort. I've learned that no matter how far apart family is, family is always connected in a special way and family always CARES. Even when no one around you does. 

Most importantly, I've learned that the Lord is always near. I have turned to Him in prayer more times than I can count- sometimes in tears, pleading for his help and thanking him for my blessings that I hadn't realized until now. I have had more prayers be answered in these last 2 weeks than I ever thought I would. I have been on my knees more diligently than I ever had before. Having no family near to rely on really teaches you to rely on the Lord. 

My roommate probably thinks i'm a religious weirdo from praying so much ;)

So college....

It's definitely not just the 'next step'. It's the next STAIRCASE. We start walking up and eventually we'll find ourselves walking down backwards, tripping (like I did on the library staircase) or pausing on a step- struggling to keep moving forward. But we gotta push... because it's worth it.

College isn't just about taking classes, going to frat parties, being ignored by teachers in a room of 600 students, or getting A's. NONE of that really matters in the way that we think it does. It's our actions that count. HOW we get A's, HOW we act at parties, HOW we listen in lectures, and HOW we choose to spend our weeknights. Everything we DO determines who we are. Everything counts. 

College... 

what is it? A place to find out who we are.

why is it important? Because it teaches us lessons (hard as they are) that we won't learn any other way, but lessons that are IMPORTANT to learn. 

and who freaking cares? Well, all I know is that I do. It has changed my whole way of thinking and doing things. You may not care.. but that's up to you I guess..

These last two weeks i've learned more than I ever thought I would. I have more in me than I ever thought I did. And I thought high school was "hard work". Welcome to the real world sweety... 

And that's only two weeks.... 

4 years at Utah State?

Bring it on.